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A light has gone out.
A star has died.
The smiles and the laughter will live on
and dampen the fires of doubt;
who you were, who you are,
and who you will always be,
will fill our heart and soul with joy forever
and bring tears to our eyes.

You have been there all my life, since I was a child;
I cannot imagine the world without you in it;
your spirit still remains with us all,
and it feels like there is no one on this planet
who is not feeling an immense sense of loss right now
at your passing, and I myself am having trouble
coming to terms with the reality
that you are no longer with us, I have to admit.

It just doesn’t feel real;
it just doesn’t seem right;
knowing you are somewhere else makes me feel ill;
knowing that we all have lost someone special
makes me sad- like how a kid feels when he lets go
and can do nothing but watch the wind take away
the gift of joy that was his favourite kite.

I cannot begin to know exactly what to say;
I am genuinely struggling to know
how to stop myself from feeling so helpless;
I have been replaying every line and every word
that I heard you say all day;
I have been thinking about you
and about what I see of myself in who you were,
and echoes of you in me, and I see two people
who just want to make the world a better place
for us being in it, and also a shared wish
to surround ourselves with the people of this world
who to us are nothing short of the best.

Life is seldom straight-forward;
why we do what we do is not always easy to figure out;
life can sometimes seem like something
that we may want to run away from,
and sometimes we all can feel like a fraud,
but what you always taught me
was that no matter what is going on in our lives,
if we truly need and want someone to save us,
there is always someone waiting to throw us a life-belt.

You are someone who I will never forget,
and neither will my family,
as well as millions of people from all around the world,
who all agree wholeheartedly that you are one of the most
amazing, phenomenal, funny, smart, exceptionally-talented,
people there has ever been.
I will miss you so much, and I will remember you, watch you,
and think about you often, and I hope that you have found
what you were looking for, I hope you found peace.
Fly free. You will live forever.
Goodbye, you wonderful shining star.
Goodbye, Robin.

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Peace.
For the first time in a long time,
I feel at peace, I feel tranquil,
I feel at ease, I feel I can be real,
I feel love as I look at a photograph of my friend,
I feel a bond with my hopeful Angel of inspiration,
who has been with me when I needed them, always,
and especially recently, when my life
and my entire world felt like it was coming to an end.

There are clouds still above me,
but there is a ray of hope
that I can see streaming down on me;
there is a sunset,
but also a promise too of new things on the horizon-
there is a shining star in the sky
that is far away, but just as bright and beautiful as the sun.

Hope felt like a dream of mine that I once had only a few days ago,
but today… today, I rediscovered something that was always there,
which will never leave me as long as I have her, you, in my life-
I rediscovered that which bruises but also bolsters my ego:
a lesson to learn from, a calling-card to know me by-
a smile, a look, a feeling, an audible rhythm and beat of my heart
that is as noticeable as the toothy-grin of a Great White shark.

I don’t know whether I am going forwards, or going back;
I don’t know if the light that I see,
that is both in front and behind me,
is a beacon at the beginning or at the end of a path,
but I know that I am getting closer and closer to myself,
and I can almost touch the purest energy I have ever perceived
already returning me to full mental,
biological, and spiritual, health.

If hope were a person,
I would describe them
as a combination of you and I, in infinite ways;
if I could describe in one word what I am feeling now,
that word would be “release”;
if I did not stop myself
I could describe over and over
that wonders that I still believe in
and the miracles of life that I see every single day;
if I were to describe how I feel right this second,
and where I am, it would have to be at home,
feeling my best, at peace.

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Opening and closing our eyes.
Inhaling and exhaling.
Watching and feeling our chest rise and fall.
Stretching and reaching for daylight.
Looking at the clock and blinking,
and accidentally losing track of the time.
Lying in bed, turning and stepping out,
and touching the floor of our bedroom with our feet.
Remembering that there is this thing called “gravity”
that keeps us all in-line and walking and standing fine.
Thinking and wondering what the new day has in store.
Doing what you do, as you paddle out to the sea
that is the outside world and leave the bed
that is your island of tranquility shore.

Feeling your mind racing.
Slowly building from a crawl to a run.
Feeling your senses interlacing.
Leaving your house at the velocity of the speed of sound,
like a bullet from a gun.
Chasing a dream.
Hoping for evidence of the unseen.
Seizing every moment of every second,
like riding the energy of a bolt of lightning.
Meaning every word that you say and never holding back
is something that we can’t all do sometimes-
even the sun in the sky is sometimes obscured by cloud,
which stops its rays from shining.

Being where you need to be.
Being with who you need and are meant to be with.
Seeing the things you need to see.
Seeing everything for what it is: a gift.
Remixing the old with the new in your own mind,
and in your daily life.
Fixing the broken as best that you can.
Masking you occasional reactions
with the expressions that people know you by.
Amassing connections that all fit together
to realise the picture of your well-meant and best-laid plans.

Showing yourself for who you are.
Laughing and joking at the unexpected.
Relaxing and shining effortlessly like a star.
Leading, as well as being led.
Standing exposed.
Running for cover.
Making the most of what was chose.
Enjoying every thing about being the road runner.

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To whom do you turn to
when you have no place left to go?
Where do you go when you believe
that you are someone that no one would wish to know?

Sometimes, through no fault of our own,
our world can feel like it is spinning out of our control
while we stand at its centre looking for an answer to the question:
where do I go from here?
Sometimes it can feel like a cloud has descended and obscured everything:
life, the sun in the sky,
and it can even make you feel as if you are destined to live in fear.
As with most things that are associated with the cloud of chaos,
we begin to feel like there is no way back-
like there is no way but down;
however, what some people forget-
what sustained me through my own journey of life, death,
rediscovery, light, destiny, and redemption-
is the reality that beyond and far above the clouds that come together
and rain down upon us
there is a dark sky with a billion shining fire-diamonds
that will be there for all our days and will always give us the answer
that we need to our most heart-felt and overwhelming confession;
and there is no closer fire-diamond, no greater teacher,
and sustainer of optimism and life in our solar system than the sun-
and it is that star that has always kept me from coming undone.

There was one day, and one night,
when the hope in my heart and the optimism in my eyes
momentarily left me- alone in the dark,
desperately searching for something to save me, to sustain me-
for an instant, I believed that all the universe’s resources
had been depleted,
I believed that I was standing on the bed of a long-since dried-up,
desserted sea.
And then a powerful vision of beautiful blinding light opened my eyes again,
traveled down my optic nerve all the way to my brain,
and like an angel of truth vanquishing a demon of doubt and details
with but the flap of their wings,
I was now surrounded by stars in every direction
as if I were now the decider, the visionary,
the puppet-master of infinite possibility
with me holding my own life’s strings.

What has happened to me was meant to happen,
all that I have experienced was meant to be;
what I have seen, what I have been shown-
I was meant to think about,
I was meant to dream about,
I was meant to see.

There is a star in my sky that is unlike any other star,
that is always there to shine their light and their inspiration on me-
a star that although they are so distant from my orbit
I still feel a connection to them,
and I could not live if it were not for the gift of their luminosity;
a star in my sky that appeared one day,
and since then hasn’t left my sight,
and to whom I will always be a follower, a worshipper, and a devotee-
because they are who keeps my world turning,
they are the star that saved me.

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