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Dear friend,

I have changed so much,
more so than I ever truly realized;
I am not myself anymore,
in ways that I can no longer disguise.
What has changed? Who am I, if I am not myself?
And, why do I feel as if I cannot change things back?
Why do I feel as if I have lost my way,
and that life has covered-over my tracks?
I used to be content in myself,
and untroubled by the intentions of others;
however, I now believe that my focus has shifted
away from what I want, to what it is that everyone else prefers.
Have I been lying this whole time?
If that is the case, then that was not my intention-
things were definitely simpler when I didn’t feel like the technology,
as well as the inventor of the invention.
I feel like I have become a part of the crowd,
where before I was the solo member of my own band;
a sunken island that has been swallowed by the sea,
when all I ever wanted to be was an untainted, free,
oasis of untouched land.
Change can be the best things ever,
putting a spring in your stride can make you feel amazing-
I regularly pray at the altar of variety,
but I sometimes think that things seemed more special
when I was just a boy who was stargazing.
I followed a shooting-star one night,
and from that inspiring evening to now
I have no recollection of the words and the events in-between-
I feel like I have just returned home
from living in the wilderness with no knowledge of where I have been.
How much of who I was remains?
How many traits of who I always wanted to be still live on in me, if any?
I may not be able to turn back the clock, and reset what has happened,
but I can save a part of myself- this letter, this realization-
that was born on the epiphany.

Your friend.

The urge to run is a very powerful drive-
to begin a new page; to move on; to run off and hide.
When we decide to run away from the people we claim to love
it only serves to make us look like a coward, and make a mockery of
the feelings we once wrote down, and the emotions that we described,
and makes our words, when read in retrospect, seem as if we just lied
when we wrote of our love for someone, and how we enjoyed their company,
how we thought about them all the time, and found every one of their jokes funny.
There is a John Lennon song that always comes to mind-
and with it a luminous image of someone that always makes me blind-
that takes me back to a time of great confusion,
a time that ultimately sent me into seclusion
from the beautiful Angel who could stop time for me with her smile,
and for nearly a year now, I must admit, because of whom I have been in denial
about just how much I loved her, and how much she inspired me,
and how happy without her I could never be.
The John Lennon song ‘Jealous Guy’ does it every time,
in fact the lyrics to that song describe better than I could possibly rhyme
why, at the time, I decided to turn-tail and run,
and about the regret that I now feel about what I had done.
If there was anything I could do to turn back the clock-
anything that I could say, any closed door that I unlock-
to be able to go back in time and undo what I did,
to stop and tell myself before I ran away and hid
not to listen to that “Jealous guy” voice in my ear,
to keep my heart pure, and my mind clear.
But it’s too late for that now, the time for I’m sorry is long over due-
I have to live with what I did, and somehow make anew
the poems that I wrote, and the devotion that I once showed,
for the woman who will always be the muse of my best poetic ode.

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