You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Loss’ tag.
Don’t look back.
Don’t think about what happened.
Just don’t think that any of this was your fault.
You did everything you could
to keep the light before everything forever went black.
You thought they were always going to love you.
You thought they were always going to be your friend.
Just think of this as a wake-up call,
or like an electrically-charged jolt to the heart.
You’ve burned your bridges to ashes.
The way you used to regularly travel great distances
over vast expanses can’t ever be remade.
You have given everything, and you always did,
and that debt was never going to be wholly repaid.
Just keep going. Just keep reading.
Just keep experiencing. Just keep writing;
don’t let this bring you down,
don’t let what happened make you feel sad,
or as if you are any less than what and who
you believe you are;
don’t let yourself be sucked inside yourself
like a black-hole ripping apart a beautiful star-
save yourself, run away if you have to,
get as far away from everything that is tormenting you,
discover something new, go somewhere you have never been,
imagine the clouds have gone and the sky is blue;
just imagine that all the pain you have just been feeling
was nothing more than a nightmare, or a bad dream;
you are stronger than you realize-
and if it helps, listen to your favourite song on repeat,
close your eyes, don’t think about the person that hurt you:
imprison them forever in the dark, cold, dungeon of your forgotten
and unimportant past life experiences you never want to revisit
and you want to forget, and throw away the key-
it serves no purpose to keep anything that reminds you of them-
they and you were never meant to be forever,
and in retrospect you already know this to be true
from the amount of time you tried to repair
and reconcile any differences you may have had,
but they always turned out to be seeds of a deeper,
toxic, growth, that if you let it grow near you
and around you forever it would eventually eat you alive.
Get out there.
Find and make new friends.
Don’t think or worry again about those who never cared.
Find and be with who you need, and who needs you;
and don’t feel sad at all;
and if you have to say anything to yourself,
just tell yourself that ‘unfortunately, in life,
things like this that are out of your hands,
just happen, and they need to happen, and it happens’.
Today is the last day of the year;
today is day 365;
today is the last day I will be and feel this way,
but it’s ok- I know this is how it has to be, so there is no fear;
today is still my day to shine like a star,
live and feel alive.
This last year has been indescribable.
These last 12 months, these last 52 weeks,
have been incredible-
some of the best days, hours, minutes,
and moments of my life;
but there are memories that I never want to revisit,
there are feelings I don’t want to remember,
and I must say that admitting that does make me feel awful-
because to me memories and experiences have always been precious,
and gifts that I hold on to and look at every day,
and never take for granted or throw away.
I am fortunate to be able to go back and read where I was,
what I was thinking, what I was feeling, on a particular day,
because I write and record my life for everyone and anyone
to read, and describe who I am at a specific moment in time,
encapsulated within a photo, a poem, an insight, or a rhyme;
I am thankful to have the life I have-
to be able to have a heart and feel the energy of love
burning in my chest, and to be able to feel
the intense pain of heart-break.
I feel pity for the people who have hurt me.
I feel happy, and I wish the best for the people
who have been so giving to me in infinite ways,
and every day give me my daily muse and inspiration,
who are amazing, my friends-
the hopeful, the great, the kind.
Looking over my shoulder at the year that has gone by,
I want to smile, I want to laugh, I want to sing,
I want to close my eyes, I want to remember,
I want to forget, I want to cry.
Looking back and remembering all that has happened to me,
it feels like an entire life-time happened before my eyes,
as if it all happened within a flash of light,
or the blink of an eye-
I went to places and I met people that I will never forget,
and I never want to;
I travelled forward and backwards in time,
but even though for a while there I forgot my daily mantra,
and stopped believing in my own philosophy,
I am now in no confusion that everything happens for a reason,
and all that goes around and makes us who we are
is just a matter of time.
The most important thing to know and never forget
is to never give up, no matter who makes you believe
that you are wrong to believe everything
will turn out fine in the end-
the most important person to believe in is yourself,
because you are who you have to focus on first,
because you are you first and your last friend.
This year has been the year from heaven,
and the year from hell.
This year has taught me and showed me over and over again
that we are meant to do things and meet people,
because they are the vital stitches and fabric
of our patchwork destiny,
and the dreams that come true when we make a wish
and throw our hopes into life’s wishing well.
2013 was a good year, and it was a bad year;
to be honest, 2013 was a bit of everything-
it was unlike no other year I have ever lived in my entire life;
2013 was sad, wonderful, enlightening, exciting, intense-
there were experiences that I had which still make me smile even now,
when I have never felt more content,
and there were times when it felt like I had been stabbed in the chest
by a knife.
But it is ok. Everything is good.
My year was filled with death, mourning, deep thought, contemplation,
new friends, new inspiration, new and fantastic adventures,
new horizons, new life, new love;
and I have hope and I already know that 2014 is going to be the year
I have been waiting for all my life,
and I look forward to seeing, showing, and sharing my life
with you who are reading this,
because there are so many people that I look forward to meeting,
and there are so many things and places that I am dying to see,
where I can’t wait to return to, and where I have never been.
2014 can’t come soon enough.
So I welcome 2014 with open arms,
and I say goodbye with a wave to 2013.
Happy New Year! 🙂
When I look around the world
and I see what is happening every day on our planet,
when I see the unstoppable, relentless, powerful,
and sometimes destructive, influence, and life-changing effect
of Earth’s nature on itself and on those who inhabit it;
I cannot believe my eyes,
I cannot fathom how it must feel to be incapable
of doing anything but hold on and watch
as everything you rely on and have ever known
is taken away from you in the blink of an eye-
it is a shock and a pain that no one could ever disguise.
Even I, from the safety and security of my home,
cannot help but be effected by the sight of those people
on my television who had everything,
but who now may be so close to having nothing but the gift of life.
Seeing such sadness and loss is overwhelming
and enough to make me want to cry.
Like most people, I sit, and watch,
and I feel helpless, because I cannot do anything
to change what I am seeing.
Like most people who feel the loss of anyone’s family member,
as if they were one of their own, my own,
I am mindful, and I look around at my own life,
and I thank my lucky stars for what I have and treasure-
and I immediately want to check on my own family and friends’
well-being.
Nature gives, and nature takes away,
but what we can never lose for good
is what keeps us standing every day.
Earth blesses us, and Earth teaches us.
Earth tells us everyday to value what is most important
and savour every second,
to take your time with anything that will stand the test of time,
and adapt as best as you can to the trials of nature,
because life should not be something
you should ever take for granted, wish away, or rush.
When I look around at my world,
and at the faces of the people who are important to me,
who I couldn’t live without in my life,
who make my life what it is, who I love,
care about, would die to protect, and who I adore,
I know that the best of them will always endure.
When I look around at the world and its people,
I am lost for words to describe the meaning of why things happen,
and I am in awe and breathless at people’s strength of will
and fortitude of spirit that is at the heart of their nature.
It’s so important to never forget.
One of the greatest things we can do in life is remember.
It’s a gift to be able to hold on to the memory
of somebody special that you know like a brother, or a sister,
or even the face and the legacy of someone you never even met.
You need to hurt and feel pain
before you can try to make sense of any loss,
and over time that intense maelstrom of emotion
will transform and again remind you why every day of life,
and the lengths that we sometimes have to go in life,
are significant and essential beyond measure.
Everyone needs time to close their eyes,
take a breath, and refocus,
and even though when we do lose someone before their time
we do need to mourn them,
and we should all look for the signs
that they are indeed still around in some form, or another-
because a soul is the purest and the most amazing energy there is,
and the same energy that created and sustains the universe
every second, and which cannot be forgotten, or destroyed, ever.
Life is like a library,
and every person, plant, animal, thought, invention, and memory,
is a book and a source of reference in that library
that we can all choose to read and reread if we feel the need.
So much happens for so many reasons that we will never understand,
but that is why we have to appreciate every face, every cover,
every name, every page, every addition, every edition,
of every life that is born, written, lives-
because everything is a thing of beauty,
and no matter how you may feel sometimes,
you and the world can only go in one direction,
and if you are truly open to the constantly changing
and evolving twists and turns that everyone faces
you will knowingly fulfill the potential of your life,
and all life, and when in the possession of such knowledge
there is no knowing where the road of your life will lead.
There is a man who lives in a house on the hill,
there is a man who looks over on the village of his birth,
who comes down from his home from time to time
to be among other people, to buy a news paper,
and sometimes just to pay a bill.
People say that the man is a mystery,
people say that the man is a ghost,
people say that he lives on his own
because he is suffering from a broken heart that never mended,
people say that he doesn’t have an address-
no house name, no house number, no street name-
so you can’t contact him by post.
The man on the hill doesn’t have a name,
at least not one that is widely known,
the man on the hill can’t remember the last time
someone actually called him by his birth name-
he never says a word to anyone anymore,
no one even realizes that he is there.
People stopped ringing him years ago-
one day he decided that he had no need to be in contact with anyone,
so he disconnected his phone.
The man on the hill can be seen in the flesh,
if you are ever in the centre of England,
if you are ever in a park in Coventry
and you see a man sitting alone on a bench reading a book-
if you take the time to approach the man, to introduce yourself,
and to tell him that you’ve heard all about him,
he might raise his head, he might smile back at you,
but in his eyes you will see a very sad look.
The man on the hill walks everywhere.
The man on the hill goes out in the morning
and comes home at night,
full of new thoughts, old memories-
always seen in the same clothes, with the same haircut,
as if he has nothing else to wear.
The man on the hill used to know everyone,
and everyone used to know him-
beyond the legend that surrounds him,
beyond the shadow that he carries along with him.
The man on the hill’s story is a long, tragic, and sad tale-
a journey that came to a grinding halt one summer afternoon, long ago,
but where the man on the hill came from,
and how ended up becoming the man on the hill,
is complicated to explain, and even he would find it hard
knowing where to begin.
There is a man who lives on a hill
who once made a difference;
there is a man who lives on a hill
who thought he had the entire universe figured out,
until something happened to him that changed him forever-
and now the universe, to him, just doesn’t make any sense.
There is a man who lives on a hill,
who is waiting for the right person to come back into his life;
there is a man who lives on a hill,
who wants to simply remember what it is like to be alive.
There is a man who lives in a house, by himself,
who if you knocked on his door he would shower you with goodwill;
there is a man who just wants to be remembered,
who wants to dies happy again-
that man is the man on the hill.
I am alone.
I am the protector and the keeper of a sacred light.
I cannot let this beacon go out.
I must continue to shine.
Just as the stars must continue to burn, distant, constant, and white.
The ocean is never still,
however people continue to cross it- no matter its unpredictability;
a heart never stops beating,
however, no matter how much fortification you have around it,
you should treat it as a miracle, and marvel at every beat
as if it were your last;
and cherish every breath like a flame that dances between life and infinity.
I feel a dream-wave come over me
and then immediately wash me out to sea,
to the realm of the dream-maker:
I dream that I am on a boat traversing through an icy sea,
as I stare up at the stars above me in the sky
from the bow of an unstoppable and mighty ice-breaker.
I am awoken again by a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder,
but the sky and the sea are calm, clear, and golden, so far-
looking out now you could so easily mistake what you see for a dream,
because the vista of the vast water
is more akin visually right now
to a beautiful sunrise landscape on Mars.
I pass from day into night so easily.
I welcome the arrival of the moon,
just as I cherish the rise of the sun.
I can go from walking under the stars in the dark,
to hearing and seeing every detail of day life
while on a morning run.
When I see the light of others go out around me,
I mourn their passing as if I were mourning the loss of something inside of me,
that for every hour that passes continues to mean something deeper.
I cherish the memory and the light of others,
just as I cherish the light within me that shines for all the world to see;
because I am a dreamer, because I am a guardian of hope,
because I am a lighthouse keeper.
There is nothing harder
than starting over;
there is nothing worse
than having no purpose;
there is nothing more soul-destroying
than losing your job, your livelihood;
there is nothing more dis-hartening than realising
that you cannot do all the things that you wish you could.
So, when you have to start again,
when you have to find a new job,
and find for yourself a meaningful purpose-
even though the road can seem long, barren, uninviting,
and working against you, as if you were under a curse-
you have to go forward, armed only with one thing:
self-belief-
it doesn’t seem that simple
while you are trying to rediscover who you are,
but it can sustain you for a short time from sinking beneath.
Everyone has a tendency to take things for granted once in a while,
me included-
I truly do not mean to- I value things,
and peoples worth, more than I can say;
however, even I can at times forget and over-look
the things that I have learned that have always stood me in good-stead.
Things can feel unimaginably difficult
when you have no core responsibility,
or a place to go where you are needed-
however, when that is your reality,
you have to go where pessimists fear to tread:
forward; not standing still, or revisiting the past-
learning something new, something out of your comfort-zone,
that in the long-run will build a structure around you
so strong that it will be built to last.
There is nothing more scary, at first-
there is nothing that you want to do more
than to say that things are not going to work out,
so much so that it physically hurts;
but then familiarity sets-in, takes hold of you,
and fills you with a confidence that never weakens,
and is always ubiquous-
and then you will have found your true-calling,
then you will have found your true purpose.
All day, all night,
every day, every night,
I have relived in my heart and mind the last moment we touched-
the last time that we would see and touch one another-
the moment that every fiber of my being cried out in agony,
as tears started to form in my eyes,
and my heart felt as if it had been crushed.
The last second that we both held each-others gaze
felt so perfect, beautiful, natural-
it ended in an instant, but it seemed to last for days.
I never sought to find love from afar,
but over the years that seems to have become a recurring theme-
I have fell in love with beauty
that had crossed continents, oceans, and miles, so that I may know them,
and their beautiful face may follow me into my dreams.
This love felt different, somehow-
this love didn’t start out as love at first sight-
in the beginning we liked each other, smiled with one-another,
laughed at each-others jokes, but only as friends;
that was until we touched for the first time,
and I was struck by a truth that hit me faster than the speed of light.
We shared so much together- from the most brief and subtle of talks,
to the most amazing, heart-felt, enticing, beautiful, insights-
every time we spoke I felt as if we were conversing among the clouds,
and reaching out to each-other above the Earth
at new and energizing heights.
I will miss her so much.
When it did come time for us to say goodbye,
to look at each-other for the last time,
and for us to smile our last smiles to one-another,
it felt like my last day, my last second on Earth-
in my minds voice I told her that I loved her,
and that I would forever treasure the time that we spent together
and remember those moments fondly as the gifts that they are worth.
Today it finally hit me that I was never going to see her again,
and that the distance between us was going to be too much;
however, even now, she is still with me-
I can see her face, I can hear her voice,
I can feel her beautiful and delicate touch.
I miss you
Ten years ago, I literally watched people die right before my eyes
and I couldn’t do a thing about it, I couldn’t save them-
on September 11th, 2001,
I, like billions of people all around the world,
watched almost three-thousand lights be extinguished in an instant,
the like of which we will never see again.
I could not believe what I was seeing at first-
I could not put into words the horror that I felt, the horror that I saw-
and then when the World Trade Center began to fall
I just remember putting my right hand to my chest,
as if I were having a heart attack,
and thinking that the entire world had gone mad,
that the whole world was now at war.
I will never get over what I saw on that Tuesday afternoon;
I will never understand why someone, anyone,
would freely choose to impact the world in such a deplorable way;
I will never again look at the stunning New York City skyline
and not think of that day.
If I could I would carry a picture of everyone who died on September 11th-
in New York City, at the Pentagon, on Flight 11, on Flight 175, on Flight 77,
and those who lost their lives heroically on Flight 93-
if I could I would look at every face, every day,
and send them and their family my love, and the gift of my poetry.
To those who died on September 11th, 2001,
this poem is for you.
To those who carry the memory and relive that Tuesday
whenever they look at themselves in the mirror,
this poem is for you.
To those who observed, who were touched,
who will never forget September 11th, 2001-
this poem is for you.
This poem is for you
A strange wave of feelings, emotions, inspirations, and faces,
that for years have resided in my memory,
have now come back to the front
and are once again inspiring me.
In my mind I am being taken back in time
to the muse of my first poem;
in my memory I am reliving the love, the passion,
the birth of the brand new world,
that was created and inspired by them.
It is as if I were saying goodbye
to magical muse who gifted me my first rhyme;
but until now I have never felt that way,
and I would never want to imagine such a time.
I don’t know where this feeling of loss has come from,
I don’t know why it is currently inhabiting me-
I still love my first muse,
I am more inspired than ever before,
and I still get a rush like no other
from my love of writing poetry.
Perhaps it is simply nostalgia,
my painful longing to do-over the mistakes of my past,
or maybe I am trying to put things behind me
and accept my life at last.
I believe that a single word can be as poetic and as epic
as any of the greatest poems ever written.
I believe that a one word poem can inspire anyone and everyone,
but to my knowledge it has yet to have been done.
The most beautiful one word poem I have ever heard
is also the name of my first muse-
this name is so special and inspiring to me
I use it sparingly and its beauty I never abuse.
I beg that this will not be the last time
that I am inspired by perfection,
I journey back through time again and again
in order to stop my memory of her from becoming a reflection.
As always, just the thought of my first muse
is enough to calm the waters of my mind-
just like the legend of old, my halcyon, my muse,
will forever remain serene and supreme-
an oasis of timeless inspiration,
whose memory I will never leave behind.
The Life, the Light, the Tears, of the Poet of the Sphere 