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Today is the last day of the year;
today is day 365;
today is the last day I will be and feel this way,
but it’s ok- I know this is how it has to be, so there is no fear;
today is still my day to shine like a star,
live and feel alive.
This last year has been indescribable.
These last 12 months, these last 52 weeks,
have been incredible-
some of the best days, hours, minutes,
and moments of my life;
but there are memories that I never want to revisit,
there are feelings I don’t want to remember,
and I must say that admitting that does make me feel awful-
because to me memories and experiences have always been precious,
and gifts that I hold on to and look at every day,
and never take for granted or throw away.
I am fortunate to be able to go back and read where I was,
what I was thinking, what I was feeling, on a particular day,
because I write and record my life for everyone and anyone
to read, and describe who I am at a specific moment in time,
encapsulated within a photo, a poem, an insight, or a rhyme;
I am thankful to have the life I have-
to be able to have a heart and feel the energy of love
burning in my chest, and to be able to feel
the intense pain of heart-break.
I feel pity for the people who have hurt me.
I feel happy, and I wish the best for the people
who have been so giving to me in infinite ways,
and every day give me my daily muse and inspiration,
who are amazing, my friends-
the hopeful, the great, the kind.
Looking over my shoulder at the year that has gone by,
I want to smile, I want to laugh, I want to sing,
I want to close my eyes, I want to remember,
I want to forget, I want to cry.
Looking back and remembering all that has happened to me,
it feels like an entire life-time happened before my eyes,
as if it all happened within a flash of light,
or the blink of an eye-
I went to places and I met people that I will never forget,
and I never want to;
I travelled forward and backwards in time,
but even though for a while there I forgot my daily mantra,
and stopped believing in my own philosophy,
I am now in no confusion that everything happens for a reason,
and all that goes around and makes us who we are
is just a matter of time.
The most important thing to know and never forget
is to never give up, no matter who makes you believe
that you are wrong to believe everything
will turn out fine in the end-
the most important person to believe in is yourself,
because you are who you have to focus on first,
because you are you first and your last friend.
This year has been the year from heaven,
and the year from hell.
This year has taught me and showed me over and over again
that we are meant to do things and meet people,
because they are the vital stitches and fabric
of our patchwork destiny,
and the dreams that come true when we make a wish
and throw our hopes into life’s wishing well.
2013 was a good year, and it was a bad year;
to be honest, 2013 was a bit of everything-
it was unlike no other year I have ever lived in my entire life;
2013 was sad, wonderful, enlightening, exciting, intense-
there were experiences that I had which still make me smile even now,
when I have never felt more content,
and there were times when it felt like I had been stabbed in the chest
by a knife.
But it is ok. Everything is good.
My year was filled with death, mourning, deep thought, contemplation,
new friends, new inspiration, new and fantastic adventures,
new horizons, new life, new love;
and I have hope and I already know that 2014 is going to be the year
I have been waiting for all my life,
and I look forward to seeing, showing, and sharing my life
with you who are reading this,
because there are so many people that I look forward to meeting,
and there are so many things and places that I am dying to see,
where I can’t wait to return to, and where I have never been.
2014 can’t come soon enough.
So I welcome 2014 with open arms,
and I say goodbye with a wave to 2013.
Happy New Year! 🙂
The easiest thing to do is to say nothing,
the easiest thing to do can feel like the best thing to do,
and because it feel easy to you it seems like the best thing to do-
and if you go too deep and if you happen to go too far
with something even though you know shouldn’t
but you did because you needed to-
it can be a long, hard, heart-breaking journey back for you.
“What is the alternative?”, I ask myself everyday.
I am unable to just switch off my emotions
and forget what has happened with the snap of a finger.
That is what happens when you fall into the powerful realm
of love, and you immerse yourself in every effect of its drug
and the way that it makes you feel- love is great, amazing,
unbelievable, but what people don’t tell you
and can’t explain to you fully is that love is a road
that is hard to turn off from,
and the speed that you drive down it
and what every moment and experience does to you
is extremely addictive.
Silence is a bullet to your heart.
Holding back can fracture your mind.
When you feel like you are the only one in pain,
explaining to anyone else can seem like a story
you have no idea from where to start.
When you need someone to listen to you and be there for you,
and when they choose not to be there,
the world can seem riddled with darkness and doubt,
hard to take, and to put it mildly unkind.
You feel like you are alone,
even though you are not.
You feel like you can’t even sit looking out at the world
from the place of love and security that is your home.
You wait for a response from someone with an anticipation
that makes your entire body feel inflamed and hot.
You feel confused by every conversation that you have,
because you feel like you have run out of things
to say to each other.
You make yourself believe that you can do no right,
that you will always feel this way forever.
People see you,
and even though you think they have no idea
what you could possibly be thinking and feeling,
they know exactly what you are going through-
the expressions on their faces are as telling as your own,
the memories of a similar time in their lives floods back
and they don’t have to feel a thing, they just know.
The key to getting through anything is to reach out, not recede.
The key to getting over a wall is to grow,
to look up, to want to overcome what is in front of you,
and to tell someone what you need.
It’s not a bad thing. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s never the wrong thing to express what you are thinking,
especially if it involves something intense
and all-consuming as love.
The key is to keep thinking, to keep doing,
to keep making, to keep walking.
For me, I know better than anyone
that if you have something to say
then you must say it, even if the person you are saying it to
doesn’t like it, or doesn’t want to hear it,
hears it, reads it, and then quickly forgets it,
and doesn’t reply to it.
The only thing I will say if you are feeling something in anyway,
is don’t stay silent, don’t fade away-
pick up the phone when someone is calling.
Keep talking.
I knew this day would come,
I envisioned this moment,
I experienced brief phantoms of pain,
I anticipated the sound of my own heart breaking,
before I felt it, before it took my breath away,
and made me ache and agonize over and over, again and again-
paralyzing every part of me, from my chest to my hands,
from my legs to my brain.
There is no cure,
there is nothing that I can take to relieve me
from feeling what it is I am feeling-
I have never felt more inferior,
I have never felt more insecure,
I have never felt more like I am standing beneath
a rapidly descending ceiling.
The storm clouds have been gathering for weeks,
it was only a matter of time before the conditions were right
to electrify the atmosphere and allow tensions,
and pent-up emotions, to strike-out and reach there peak.
I feel every gust of the storm,
as if the wind were blades that could cut my skin
and could penetrate my chest all the way to my heart.
I stood at the storm’s heart, its eye, for a while
thinking that it had mistakenly passed and not left a scar.
The storm is not over yet,
it is still there effecting me, hurting me,
throwing and tossing me in every direction-
I don’t know which way is which anymore,
however I believe that is nature and life’s intention;
but now, I am taking a moment to collect myself,
and try to breath normal, and think straight while I can,
as I consider what is to come for me,
as I stand with my back to the storm.
You can’t conceive of the pain,
you don’t realize how much it will hurt,
you don’t know how close you are to a fire
until you get burned.
When someone breaks your heart,
when someone sets your mind alight,
when someone clouds your vision,
when someone tears your feelings apart,
when someone takes you above and beyond
and then drops you from a great height,
you become a shadow of yourself-
scarred, dark, lost-
you feel like you are coming undone.
You feel like you want to get even,
you feel like you want them to know
and to feel what you are going through;
but it doesn’t matter:
who they are, who they were,
they no longer are, and they never were.
I wear the invisible scars of a man
who has dared to touch the fire of too many flames,
who has been enticed by the heat and the light
of more false-stars than I would care to name-
they shine for a short-time,
but then their true-self is revealed:
they seek attention and love from anything and anyone
that they can, and then they return to what is familiar to them-
leaving their heart-broken victim to pick themselves back up again;
and it is then that you can, and should, lift up your head,
move on from the pain that aches in your chest,
and eventually feel healed.
Everything that we send out comes back to us;
every voice in a dark tunnel gets returned;
every heart-breaker will one day become the heart-broken-
so remember that if you are the one who has ever done the burning,
or if you are someone who has ever been burned.
How could you just throw it all away?
Just because things didn’t end up the way you wanted them to.
I know that you still miss them.
I know that you still think about them
at times of quiet and solitude throughout the day.
You fell in love with them with all your heart.
How could you have known,
would the thought have even crossed your mind,
that they were not in love with you.
The moment that you walked out you tarnished something pristine.
The moment that you left you tore-up
all the pages that you shared together,
leaving nothing but fragments of a special and treasured time
strewn on the ground and blown-away by the wind-
never to be as they were again.
If you could go back in time,
would you change anything that happened?
Even the times when you felt in the dark
as to how they felt about you?
Things are always better at the beginning.
There is always so much innocence, mystery, joy,
celebration of the familiar and the unfamiliar,
and the things that you have in common.
By the time you realise that you love someone it is already too late.
I wouldn’t have had it any other way,
and if I had to do it all again I wouldn’t change a thing.
A lot has happened. A lot has changed.
They have changed. You have changed.
There was a time when what you said to each-other meant everything,
there was a time when the possibility of being in the same room
made you feel nervous, happy, excited-
a short time together, for which you would give anything.
I know you feel guilty for ending your relationship with them.
I know you feel that she ended her relationship with you a long time ago.
I know that on more than one occasion you have tried to reach-out,
in one way or another, to tell her how you feel about her.
I know, and you know, that she would never mean to hurt you,
or anyone, in any way-
she probably cares about you, and what you have done for her,
more than you will ever know.
Just give it some time.
Just keep caring about her in your own way.
Just keep thinking about her,
and keep hoping, as you always have, that she is happy, content, loved.
I know you miss her,
but what you really miss about her is the dream of her-
the first image of her that you ever saw,
the first things that she said to you
that made you fall in love with her.
The world is a big place.
The universe is vast and complicated.
Every time you close your eyes you picture her face.
One day these words will mean something more to you,
when you’re ready.
Don’t forget all that she meant to you,
all that she will always mean to you.
The love. The smiles.
The distance. The heart-break. The end.
Everything is fated.
At eleven minutes passed eleven o’clock I made a wish,
the wish is always the same:
that you and I would always be together,
like an endless summer day filled with love, light, and bliss.
I look at the stagering beauty of nature when I am alone,
and even though I am in-awe
I know that their is something and someone missing-
like the loss that you feel after only a second of pause
when you move away from someone you were just kissing-
I would miss you even if you were two feet away,
and that is why I have to read your words,
and see your beautiful face at the end of every day.
Hearts break every second
like a cocophony of broken lightbulbs on the ground;
my heart breaks every time I see you,
because I still feel so special
to be the poet of your inspiration who you found.
I never believed that the world is like it is
until I first saw the pout of your smile-
you are and you will always be my muse of every moment,
the judge of my heart when it feels on trial.
To me, love is not love if it doesn’t feel effortless;
like poetry, love writes itself
and comes easy when you let go of yourself
and no longer repress.
When I need you, I dream of you.
Love fills my heart when I see you
and you talk to me in words of poetry-
the power of the first word that you ever said to me,
even after all this time, hasn’t for a second begun to lessen;
I can never get enough of you, and I don’t ever want to,
and that is why I think about you,
and I make a wish about you
every day at eleven minutes passed eleven.
The Life, the Light, the Tears, of the Poet of the Sphere 