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Peace.
For the first time in a long time,
I feel at peace, I feel tranquil,
I feel at ease, I feel I can be real,
I feel love as I look at a photograph of my friend,
I feel a bond with my hopeful Angel of inspiration,
who has been with me when I needed them, always,
and especially recently, when my life
and my entire world felt like it was coming to an end.

There are clouds still above me,
but there is a ray of hope
that I can see streaming down on me;
there is a sunset,
but also a promise too of new things on the horizon-
there is a shining star in the sky
that is far away, but just as bright and beautiful as the sun.

Hope felt like a dream of mine that I once had only a few days ago,
but today… today, I rediscovered something that was always there,
which will never leave me as long as I have her, you, in my life-
I rediscovered that which bruises but also bolsters my ego:
a lesson to learn from, a calling-card to know me by-
a smile, a look, a feeling, an audible rhythm and beat of my heart
that is as noticeable as the toothy-grin of a Great White shark.

I don’t know whether I am going forwards, or going back;
I don’t know if the light that I see,
that is both in front and behind me,
is a beacon at the beginning or at the end of a path,
but I know that I am getting closer and closer to myself,
and I can almost touch the purest energy I have ever perceived
already returning me to full mental,
biological, and spiritual, health.

If hope were a person,
I would describe them
as a combination of you and I, in infinite ways;
if I could describe in one word what I am feeling now,
that word would be “release”;
if I did not stop myself
I could describe over and over
that wonders that I still believe in
and the miracles of life that I see every single day;
if I were to describe how I feel right this second,
and where I am, it would have to be at home,
feeling my best, at peace.

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I knew this day would come,
I envisioned this moment,
I experienced brief phantoms of pain,
I anticipated the sound of my own heart breaking,
before I felt it, before it took my breath away,
and made me ache and agonize over and over, again and again-
paralyzing every part of me, from my chest to my hands,
from my legs to my brain.

There is no cure,
there is nothing that I can take to relieve me
from feeling what it is I am feeling-
I have never felt more inferior,
I have never felt more insecure,
I have never felt more like I am standing beneath
a rapidly descending ceiling.

The storm clouds have been gathering for weeks,
it was only a matter of time before the conditions were right
to electrify the atmosphere and allow tensions,
and pent-up emotions, to strike-out and reach there peak.

I feel every gust of the storm,
as if the wind were blades that could cut my skin
and could penetrate my chest all the way to my heart.
I stood at the storm’s heart, its eye, for a while
thinking that it had mistakenly passed and not left a scar.

The storm is not over yet,
it is still there effecting me, hurting me,
throwing and tossing me in every direction-
I don’t know which way is which anymore,
however I believe that is nature and life’s intention;
but now, I am taking a moment to collect myself,
and try to breath normal, and think straight while I can,
as I consider what is to come for me,
as I stand with my back to the storm.

I have written poems that no one will ever read;
I have given gifts of wisdom to friends, to family,
to those people that I have met who were in the most need.
I have met people who are utterly convinced, without doubt,
that because they are not who and what they once aspired to be
nothing good is ever going to happen to them,
who are so obsessed with money, that they are blinded from seeing
from where the troubles of their life stem.
I have never been like that,
I have never bought into the notion that wealth is integral to happiness-
the more you have does not mean the happier you are going to be;
in fact, sometimes, the more you have, the more likely you are to feel stress.
‘More’ is the obsession that humanity has fallen into,
‘money’ is the drug that sweetens our tooth;
some people continue to do what they have always done,
afraid to look behind themselves at the shadow of the truth.
When you think you have nothing,
when you think you have lost everything and everyone,
you find yourself presented with a choice:
you can either worry about what comes next,
sit alone in a dark room day-after-day, asking yourself “why me?”;
or you can look at yourself, listen to yourself,
change the way the world knows you as being,
and you can start with something as simple
as changing the tone of your internal voice.
Because, if you are to succeed in anything,
the first person who needs to believe in you is yourself-
the words that your soul speaks to you
are important to every part of your health.
When you have to run though a fire
to get to a brighter, better, more brilliant period of your life
that will carry you forward to new challenges, it changes who you are;
but the delights that come as a result of the test of time,
make everything that happens to you taste sweeter than sugar.

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