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When we stop looking back,
when we stop spinning around
and making ourselves dizzy,
when we stop being haunted by ghosts from the past,
when we stop worrying about everything we can’t control
and get to work on getting busy,
when we stop ourselves from being hacked by the opinions
and the fears of other people,
we can truly enjoy every second of life to its fullest
and be happy.
No one does anything,
no one goes anywhere,
without a reason,
or without something
that only they can bring;
no one would do anything
unless they cared about
what it means to be there.
People follow their dreams,
people work hard from the time that they are children at school,
at college, at university, at finding their passion,
at finding their calling-
people join groups, people become part of teams,
to be of something, to talk about something,
to have something of importance and meaning in their life,
which then connects them with other people of the same way of acting,
thinking, feeling, and then ultimately to everyone else on Earth,
and that is what we all search for and find always,
and most of the time in the last place that we would ever think to look;
life is not always a straight-line of events and connections
as it sometimes appears in the story of a film, or in a book.
Life cannot possibly come with detailed instructions,
or a blueprint to follow-
life is way too random and spontaneous for that;
life should not just be a checklist of what you want to do, and when,
because life has a funny way of showing you that that is not how it goes,
and sometimes you have to strike-out more than once to get a home-run
with the help of a good swing and a great contact
between a baseball and a baseball bat.
If you constantly focus and become obsessed with reaching the end
and achieving everything you have written down
on your personal list of things to do,
you can sometimes miss things along the way
that will make your journey that much more satisfying,
when you do wake up one morning
and realize the dream that you have just woken up from
was in fact memories of the life that you have had and have;
sometimes you can even forget who is the real you,
and that is why we all must expect, hope for, believe,
and make the most of, the good things ahead.
Sitting in the sun,
staring at my own reflection,
enjoying a chilled-out Saturday afternoon,
feeling energised by the warmth of the golden sphere
glowing and beating high above,
thinking about how my life has changed in so many ways,
and thinking about how full my life and my mind
can become before there isn’t any room,
feeling like something new has touched me,
which exhilarates me, and does not scare me,
which feels so good,
which feels like just what I need,
which feels just like falling in love.
Everyone around me is enjoying their day
and are having all kinds of fun,
everyone is watching me, as I watch them;
everyone is watching me do what I do best,
and there is no better place to do it,
while thinking about and enjoying seeing
humanities infinite complexities,
than when you stop and sit on a bench,
and feel the beat of life,
while taking a moment sitting in sun.
My heart feels like lead.
I don’t even want to get out of bed.
My head is pounding. My mind is swimming.
I feel numb. I have forgotten the touch and the heat of the sun.
At work I am making mistakes, I can’t do anything right.
At home I am reminded of every thing and every one that I have lost,
but the worst thing is that I feel like I have lost the will to write.
The words and the conversations that I have had with people
over the last couple of days have been rattling around in my head
and driving me insane-
to me, love is not something you can pretend to be in,
you are either in love or you are not-
love is not a game.
I am not perfect, and I don’t claim to be and never have,
but what I am is someone caring, passionate, full of energy,
full of life, and the farther the distance between me and someone
I put every second of thought into bridging and connecting
with someone as much as I can.
I have been told that I simplify things too much,
that I sometimes focus and obsess on things and people too much,
and I have to agree with that, I know that about myself,
that is what makes me such a good writer, I like to think-
I like to think, I like to feel, I like to be lost in something
and someone, I like, I love, to be in love.
Anyone on the outside looking in on me and on my relationships
would think that I seek out chaos, that I like the rocky road
more than I do the flat, maintained, tarmac of a highway-
however they would be mistaken, because, believe me,
I want nothing more than to be with someone, to be happy,
and for them to be happy with me,
living the quiet, simple life of embracing and making the most
of every second together,
and never even to think or ever want to walk away.
I have walked away from things and people in the past,
and every time I have hated myself after for it.
I don’t want to walk away from anything ever,
or anyone that I care about and love-
but sometimes I feel like I have worn out my welcome
and I have said and done all I can,
but what is below my feet now resembles a worn-out piece of carpet.
I am hurting.
I am confused.
I am like a computer that needs rebooting.
I am like a battery that has lost its charge and is now used.
It will all be ok tomorrow- I keep telling myself.
It will all work itself out- a friend of mine once told me.
It will be a brand new day, a brand new year.
It will be a fresh start- at least I hope it will be.
It will be a time to change again,
it will be a time to change everything,
and even though it will be hard,
I am willing to see how far I can go-
as long as I remember what my sister told me yesterday:
to “don’t change (my) good heart”.
Out there in the world someone is dreaming;
out there in the world someone is hiding;
out there in the world someone is revealing;
out there in the world someone is reconciling
with the world for the answers they are incapable of finding.
Out there in the world someone is being kind;
out there in the world someone is changing their mind;
out there in the world someone is being bad;
out there in the world someone is crying out to anyone,
because they feel so sad.
Out there in the world someone wants the best;
out there in the world someone is taking a test;
out there in the world someone wants something;
out there in the world someone is captivated
at the same time they themselves are being captivating.
Out there in the world someone is being born;
out there in the world someone is taking their last breath;
out there in the world someone’s heart is being torn;
out there in the world someone is facing death.
Out there in the world someone is having a life-changing idea;
out there in the world someone is making plans;
out there in the world someone is holding back a flood of tears;
out there in the world someone is getting married,
kissing the one they love the most in the world, and holding hands.
Out there in the world someone is thinking about you;
out there in the world someone is sending a gift;
out there in the world someone is making their debut;
out there in the world someone is finding solid ground
after years of being adrift.
Out there in the world someone is at the start;
out there in the world someone is at the end;
out there in the world someone is hearing the first beat of their baby’s heart;
out there in the world someone is making a new and life-long friend.
Out there in the world someone is obsessing;
out there in the world someone is impressing;
out there in the world someone is crying;
out there in the world someone is laughing;
out there in the world someone wants to be seen, someone wants to be heard;
out there in the world something incredible is always happening somewhere
to someone in the world.
If there is one great truth to live by on our planet
it is that you should never take anything for granted,
and that you should take care and nurture
the seeds of life that have been planted-
from new ideas to new sights,
from recurring beauty to new lights that appear at night.
I love life so much, because, at its heart, it is eccentric,
varied, unpredictable, and changeable;
and people, humanity, are one of the greatest examples
of this universal eccentricity-
if any evidence were needed of this fact,
you need only to listen to us all
when we effectively demonstrate our innate gift to squabble and quibble,
sometimes about the most inconsequential of things:
what people choose to do with their time, what people choose to wear-
sometimes it feels like everyone has flashed-back
to the times of arrows and slings.
Another great truth of life
is that you can achieve so much with so little-
you can create the greatest masterpiece
with the right subject at the right time;
you can make the most incredible meal
that anyone has ever tasted in their entire lives
with only a handful of ingredients
in the smallest kitchen in the entire world-
sometimes the simplest of things
are remembered by everyone as the most sublime.
One amazing and inspirational moment can define you forever;
one moment of joy, exhilaration, happiness,
can give you the identity that you have always craved;
one life-changing moment can bring everyone together.
People are more interesting to me
when they prove that they are a fully-fledged individual,
when they choose to not board the ‘trend-train’
and do not do whatever everybody else is doing,
do not say whatever everybody else is saying,
and do not wear whatever everybody else is wearing,
and instead do their own thing, have their own opinion-
even if that does not jive
with what society seems to tell us is “normal”-
we are all interconnected, but we are not a hive.
I love every new day of life,
because it always feels different, more profound, somehow;
every day makes more sense and yet less sense than the day before,
and because of that you don’t know what life has in store;
and although what happens is not always good,
living your life the way you choose to is never a chore.
You have to live your life for yourself, for your family,
for what you love, for what makes you cry;
you have to live your life
as if there are no rules that apply to you,
as if everything that happens is as precious to you
as the moments that you miss in the blink of an eye.