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The events of life are uncertain;
what will happen to us cannot be planned;
most of what makes the world work
is hidden behind an invisible curtain;
what is supposed to happen to us
is something that we have to come to and get to
on our own sometimes,
because there wont always be someone
to show us the right path and guide us by the hand.

Life is not always good.
Life is not always spectacular.
Life can sometimes feel like a lie.
Life can sometimes feel like you are standing in an ocean
with the water-level just below your head,
or like you are trying to withstand
a raging torrent in the middle of a flood.
Life can sometimes feel like you are walking around
with the pain of a fracture.
Life is what you succeed at every day,
just as long as you are willing to make an effort
in something that you believe in and feel passionately about-
and something that might not always be a work of art
that everyone will love,
but it doesn’t matter as long as you can always say that you tried.

One day can feel and can be a perfect, beautiful, sunny day,
while the next can be a rainstorm that doesn’t want to stop;
one day you can feel on top of the world,
while the next can be like you are living and existing
in an infinite reality of bubbles that are continuously forming,
floating, dancing through the air,
and then when you least expect, they go pop!

Some days can appear beautiful and bright,
some days can seem claustrophobic and dark;
some days can feel endless and hopeful,
and even at the end of the day when you think
you have seen and experienced it all,
you can suddenly look up at the sky
and see a vibrant display of colour,
even as the stars shine at night.
Some days, some days can seem like you are
constantly trying to escape from a prison,
and like a prisoner people just look at you
and see a number instead of a name-
as if at some point in your life
you were branded with a barcode
that can be read, or some other indelible mark.

You can’t always be who you want to be all the time,
because not everyone is able to understand you,
and most of the time you hide behind something
to disguise your true feelings and emotions-
so as to not start a hopeless fight, or get into a drama;
you can’t always say what you want to say,
because even though we can understand
a little of what someone says
sometimes you realize that you are in fact
talking a completely different language entirely-
because every conversation feels like a struggle,
and getting across what you want to say
just feels like it is getting harder and harder.

Every day can’t be aurora’s, shooting-stars, rainbows,
happy-filled, new adventures, that are blessed above
with blue sky and golden sunshine-
some days you may not even have a minute to yourself
to do what you want to do,
because it feels like everything is just work, work, work.
Every day is a lesson.
Every day is a mixture.
Every day is a creation of something that is of you-
some days it feels like you are a cook
cooking with an infinite number of ingredients,
that you just hope will come together at the end,
to make something worthwhile,
and so that when you look back on your life
you know that you did everything you did for a reason,
like a true Heisenberg.

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Book 1, 20/1/2011

Icy. Frosty. A day of great beauty.
This book feels special.
This time in my life feels essential.
This day feels inspiring.
The future, I can tell, is going to be exciting.

Book 2, 23/11/2011

Icy. Frosty. A day of stillness. A day of great beauty.
This book is me. This is the beginning of a future I cannot wait to see.
Today is the day.
I have so much that I want to do. I have so much that I want to say.

Book 3, 5/6/2012

Calm. Peaceful.
As Venus prepares to transit The Sun for the last time this century-
the energy in the air is wonderful, palpable.
This book is me. This book is my destiny.
I am in the cusp of something great.
I am at the end and at the beginning of a journey.
The hour is early, and yet it is getting late.

Book 4, 23/9/2012

It is the 23rd of September, 2012.
It’s a warm, restful, inspiring Saturday afternoon-
perfect conditions and a perfect day to be inspired, to write some poetry,
and a perfect day to take your favourite book down from the bookshelf.
This book is me. This book is my thoughts. This book is the world that I see.
I feel inspired. I feel brand new.
How can anyone feel tired, when they are on the verge
of having all their, my, wishes all come true.

Book 5, 13/2/2013

The last few weeks have been hard.
The last couple of days have been a revelation.
The last few weeks have felt like one big condolence card.
The last couple of days have given me something that I truly needed:
a peace, an acceptance, a discovery about life,
that, for me, will have lasting ramifications.
This book is my story. This book is my life.
This book is more than my poetry.
This book is what keeps me going,
and sustains me in my struggle to stay hopeful, and to stay alive.

Back story: Since the 1st of January 2011,
at the beginning of every new notebook
that I start writing my new poetry in,
I have written a little poetic-message to myself
and to anyone who may one day read my notebooks in the future, in ink,
trying to capture who I am and what is going on in my life,
and how I feel at the exact moment that I am beginning a new book-
one of the most thrilling times, if you are a writer.
Anyway, since today is World Book Day in the UK,
I thought that I would share these little notes of insight
and put them all in one “evolving-poem”, as I call it-
I call it an “evolving-poem”, because I intend to never finish it:
every time I begin a new notebook again,
I will update this poem with a new verse! I hope you enjoy reading it!
-Mark

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