You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2014.
I have never been able to hide my feelings,
I have never been successful in disguising my emotions,
I have never been able to figure out
how not to have everything I am thinking
written all over my face,
I have never been good at realising who and what
it is people observe about me in what they are seeing,
I have never been able to wear a mask of my own face,
because my expressions are apparently so blatant
they change more frequently and are more noticeable
than waves of an ocean,
I have never been eye to eye with someone
and worn an expression that was the opposite
of what I was feeling on the inside-
like the winner of a card game,
who is able to bluff better than anyone else
because they have the greater poker face.
I am a very open person in some ways,
but not in every way;
however, my face paints a picture of my thoughts
and contorts like no one else;
I do not reveal every detail of my heart,
but when it comes to sharing as much of me as possible
via involuntarily manifested external emotions,
I am as transparent as a cell.
Being so noticeable and open has got me into a lot of trouble
and has allowed people to read me whenever they want to like a book-
people have told me that they know exactly what I am thinking
from seeing my reaction to something they said with a single look.
When I am sad, everyone knows.
When I am happy, I let it show.
When I am thinking about something,
it is as if others can see the hemispheres of my brain sparking.
When I am angry, people can see in me
that I am ready to strike and burst with energy
of the power and the electricity of a bolt of lightning.
Everything about me is plain to see.
Everything that I think about is as deep and as vast as outer space.
Everything about what is on my mind,
I am sure people can read and have read
without me having to say a word or write a single line of poetry.
Everything that you want to know is there every second
and written all over my face.
Early in the morning,
as the stars shine at night,
love makes my heart sing,
music fills my life;
when I wake up and the rain is pouring,
as I drift off to sleep,
a song, a voice, a melody,
takes me to my dreams and set alight
my deep thoughts like a fire.
My dreams are epic,
my dreams are sometimes dark-
but they are more often than not
overwhelmingly insightful and bright.
My dreams have things in them that have significance
and hidden meaning-
whether it is the sight of a typewriter,
or the echo of a clocks tick,
or the sight of someone taking a photograph of me
as I am taking a picture of them-
it always amazes me what my own subconscious conjures up
during the day in the heat of the sun,
or at night when the moon is reflecting light back at the Earth
and at all of us and influencing our thoughts and fortunes.
We all go to bed with thoughts, feelings,
and inflections of the day before that is slowly drifting away,
and its events will soon have gone by and be no more
than a shadow, when all is said and done;
we all wake up the next day feeling different,
but with certain splinters in our mind
still playing on our thoughts
that we can’t rid ourselves of or shake easily-
some of us get up and try to start their day
and free ourselves of any lingering worries or concerns
with a daily morning run,
some of us sit up in bed and listen to music,
watch TV, read a book, write poetry,
someone of us take hold of our favourite instrument
and play to our hearts content,
some of us just sit and cry on our own,
just so we can vent.
Talking is important;
connections are essential;
letting out and letting go
can be like the cool water from a font;
remembering the people you love,
and where you want to be,
because they are to you the most wonderful and the most special,
needs to be, must be, will always be-
and that is why you must run, walk, look, see,
the magic all around in the daylight;
that is why you must run into the ocean of the unknown;
that is why you need to touch and feel a part of the light;
that is why you must be fearless, bold, and brave,
and let the world and everything in it fill your life.
We could not have asked for a more beautiful morning,
we could not have awoken to a more peaceful, calm, epic,
sounding music, that can be heard on the wind,
along with the birdsong of the phenomenal dawn calling;
there could not be a day that feels like more of a dream,
there could not be another day like today,
because today is a moment of a lifetime
which will finally tie together what has happened,
what will happen, where we are going, and what will be,
and also what has always been.
I am sure that there are lots of emotions, expectations,
thoughts, hopes, fears, heart-rates,
that are running away with themselves at this very moment;
I, myself, am an optimist, a romantic, a story-teller,
as well as the main protagonist in my own epic,
and in every thing in life I always hope for the best
and for overwhelming happiness-
so today, the reality of what is going to happen
and what it means, could not be more potent.
Every day up until today has led to this day,
and every choice made has been a part of all of our lives,
and will propel us all in a new direction, in the days,
months, and years, ahead, forevermore;
every link that we make always creates a new link
to a new chain that is connected to every other link
and chain forged, but you can never know why what happens
happens when it happens until the time is right,
and the right meetings have taken place,
and the right day has come,
and fate taps you on the shoulder and makes you look at the world
for all its incredible complexity and wonder in unparalleled awe.
Today is a day that has been long dreamed about,
today is a day that has been planned for
for so long and constantly talked about;
today is the day that will be remembered in lots of ways,
today is the day, today is the big day.
The truth can be painful,
the road to happiness can be rough,
the less you say sometimes can mean more,
the little things that someone does
can be the most special, precious,
meaningful, and touching, gifts of love.
We protect ourselves and are protected by others all the time,
we are kept in the dark sometimes for a reason
to preserve the peace, to sustain the harmony,
to not harm the sensitive of us
who can sometimes feel like they are the victim of someone
who has committed a crime.
We all surround ourselves and feel ourselves
when we are in the company of those who know
what we are thinking at a moments glance,
we all sing along when we feel the need to,
and we all dance;
we all laugh, and we all cry;
we all do anything to make the things that mean the most to us
last forever and never die.
Without protection of some form,
without something to sometimes hold us back when we need to be,
we would all just run free and run wild like a child,
and rage and self-destruct like the winds of a storm.
If the Earth were not surrounded by a thin and fragile atmosphere
none of us would be here,
if we too never had our reality of serenity
we would all feel and be constantly missing something-
like a man without fear;
if we did not clothe ourselves with the leaves of our colours
we would be as barren and as bare as a winter tree.
We all seek affection.
We all have an addiction.
We all look and ponder at our own reflection.
We all want a little protection.
Peace.
For the first time in a long time,
I feel at peace, I feel tranquil,
I feel at ease, I feel I can be real,
I feel love as I look at a photograph of my friend,
I feel a bond with my hopeful Angel of inspiration,
who has been with me when I needed them, always,
and especially recently, when my life
and my entire world felt like it was coming to an end.
There are clouds still above me,
but there is a ray of hope
that I can see streaming down on me;
there is a sunset,
but also a promise too of new things on the horizon-
there is a shining star in the sky
that is far away, but just as bright and beautiful as the sun.
Hope felt like a dream of mine that I once had only a few days ago,
but today… today, I rediscovered something that was always there,
which will never leave me as long as I have her, you, in my life-
I rediscovered that which bruises but also bolsters my ego:
a lesson to learn from, a calling-card to know me by-
a smile, a look, a feeling, an audible rhythm and beat of my heart
that is as noticeable as the toothy-grin of a Great White shark.
I don’t know whether I am going forwards, or going back;
I don’t know if the light that I see,
that is both in front and behind me,
is a beacon at the beginning or at the end of a path,
but I know that I am getting closer and closer to myself,
and I can almost touch the purest energy I have ever perceived
already returning me to full mental,
biological, and spiritual, health.
If hope were a person,
I would describe them
as a combination of you and I, in infinite ways;
if I could describe in one word what I am feeling now,
that word would be “release”;
if I did not stop myself
I could describe over and over
that wonders that I still believe in
and the miracles of life that I see every single day;
if I were to describe how I feel right this second,
and where I am, it would have to be at home,
feeling my best, at peace.
From the day we are born,
we have good days and we have bad days,
from the first tear that we cry,
we shed tears of sadness and tears of joy,
from the first time that we are put to bed by our parents
and we fall asleep,
everything is new, everything is a daze,
from the first thing that we hold tightly in our hands-
whether it be someone’s finger, or a toy-
we all become attached,
we are all matched,
we all discover something important,
we are all running a race from the front,
and we are all setting our own pace
that will always be different.
We are all born with one special and important gift from day one;
we are all children of the Earth, the moon, and the sun;
we are all born with the gift of our life,
whatever that consists of, and whatever it will grow to become;
we are all brothers, sisters, daughters, and sons.
Every new day can be, should be, will be,
more beautiful than the last as long as you remember
that you are not alone and will never be alone;
every new phase that comes to pass
is the start of a brand new cycle that always takes you
where you need to go and then returns you home.
We all speak more languages than one or many we are knowingly taught,
but those communicative methods are those that are instinctive
and silently spoken, and not recognised
unless you are perhaps scrutinised by a psychotherapist,
or a body-language expert.
Sunny days are the best;
cloudy days are the days when we think and rest;
hot summer days make us all feel energised and great;
cold winter days make us all want to wrap ourselves up tight.
No matter what you do, live every day.
No matter what is happening to you,
or what you are going through,
don’t ever allow yourself to be shackled-
promise yourself to always act and be free.
No matter what time it is, or who you are with,
it always matters what you say.
No matter if things don’t always go as you planned,
just take a breath, go forward,
and say under your breath,
or outloud so everyone can hear,
in your best french accent:
‘c’est la vie’.
Sitting alone in the dark,
thinking, remembering, feeling far too much,
I feel unloved, I feel out of touch,
I want the room I am sitting in to swallow me whole
and return me again to the start.
I hate every second of this,
I hate who I have become,
I just have one wish:
to go back to a time when I was happy,
and every day of my life was filled
with inspiration, joy, friends, and fun.
You can’t undo a choice,
you can’t unmake a bad call,
you can’t un-say words that came from your mouth
in your own voice,
you can’t rise in one piece from a fall.
I have this urge to turn my back on everything
and forget about the entire world,
I have this instinct to severe all connections that I have
and force myself to unlearn what I have learned.
I want to be loved,
I want to be important to someone,
I want to be hugged,
I want to be free of this weight on my shoulders
that feels like it weighs a ton.
I am listening to music which I know
will take me away and make me forget the pain I am feeling,
I am writing my thoughts and feelings in a poem
because this is the only way for me to get out
what is inside me that is burning me alive from the inside out,
like the fires of hell that you can’t escape from
even after getting on your knees and asking for forgiveness
while repenting.
Hope is a distant memory.
Peace of mind is a mirage.
I have never felt so lost or so lonely.
I have never felt so small in a universe
that is so vast and large.
I can’t see the big picture anymore,
because my view is always on zoom,
I can’t envision things getting better
or me ever feeling like I used to-
but like a photographer developing their own photographs,
I guess I will just have to wait and see
who and what comes out of the dark room.
Everyone has their own unique colour,
everyone has a way, a walk, a word, a wardrobe, a wish,
that is theirs, which perfectly describes and shows
a great deal about the heart that is constantly beating in their chest,
as well as the heart that they always wear on their sleeve-
like a child being held tightly by a mother.
Everyone carries a box of secrets,
everyone has hidden interests and thoughts,
feelings and loves, that they snuggle up to
when they are alone and in need of some comfort, or reassurance-
like an owner giving attention and affection to a beloved pet.
Everyone has a work of art that is a self-reflection
that they look at daily,
everyone can be everything they want to be,
and can feel things intensely externally,
and deeply internally.
Everyone is remembered by someone for being something,
everyone has been more in their life-time than they think.
Everyone has a favourite song, a favourite place,
a favourite thing to do, that brings them happiness;
everyone is a participant, an instigator,
an observer, a user, a witness.
Everyone is a scrapbook, an album,
a collection of special and shared memories and experiences;
everyone is a calendar, a diary, a phone-book,
of dates, people, fascinations, numbers,
and souvenirs of their travels,
that they have packed inside them and with them wherever they go-
like someone off on an adventure,
or off on holiday with their suitcase.
Everyone makes choices in their life
that feel right at the time they are making them,
which were always meant to be made the way that they were;
everyone feels great and warm in the sun,
and when standing in the rain everyone gets wet-
for some they actually feel better and cleansed
just by the act of being in and being touched
by the droplets of a rainstorms downpour.
I have an intense light within me,
and an overwhelming fire that no one could ever just describe
as a mere flash or a spark;
I have a sight, an instinct, a pulse, a passion for life,
a love of the best and the uniqueness of everything of Earth;
I have a life-long belief in hope,
and in the power of its effect, and witnessing hope,
and giving hope to someone in need, in any way,
is the key and the way to my heart.
Footsteps. Conversations.
Spinning wheels. A million eyes.
The sounds and the voices of a city-
always changing, constantly making itself be heard,
taking to itself, feeling the rush of being alive.
A cyclist weaving and racing through lines of cars,
vans, and trucks, gridlocked and stationery-
but glowing and constant red lights
doesn’t stop him for anything,
and for all he knows every light is green;
a commuter in a crowd making their way to work,
desperately holding on to the umbrella in one hand
and the take-out coffee cup
that they are holding onto tightly in the other-
just trying to get to work without bumping into someone else,
or crossing a street and almost being hit
by a fast-peddling cyclist that they nearly didn’t see.
Meeting places.
Get togethers.
The relay and transference of information and knowledge.
A starting point, a route, a destination, a direction, and end
that is merely a jumping-off point to a magical adventure-
like a song that you sing before following a yellow brick road.
There is traffic all around us-
in the sky, above the clouds around Earth,
over land, over sea, under the water, below the ground;
there is movement even in the stillness of a picture-postcard scene
that you don’t see, but which you can hear
by its noticeable feel and sound.
Life is always on the move,
and I find that absolutely phenomenal and terrific.
Life is an endless motorway that is connected and ventured down
and navigated every second by an infinite stream
and network of traffic.
The Life, the Light, the Tears, of the Poet of the Sphere 