These days when I look in the mirror
I have no idea who it is who is looking back at me, however the face is definitely familiar.
Who am I? I ask myself, when I can not fathom an answer;
Is all that I am what I see before me? Am I nothing but a cancer?
The lowest of the low? Not meant for purpose?
Or maybe someone who is meant to be ridiculed in a circus?

Life was so much easier when everything seemed to run more smoothly,
when I had nothing to worry about, and when my thoughts ran more soothingly.
I know that life is over now, but where do I go from here?
because as things stand right now I am slowly being consumed by fear:
fear that what I have lost may never come again,
that I will never again gaze upon such beauty after having my heart broken with such pain.

I have heard it said that “to have loved and lost is better to have never have loved at all”;
but say that to me now, as I lie on the floor and crawl;
because I don’t think that I will ever truly recover
from the one who whose gaze always sent me in to a shudder.
When I see her face now all I want to do is scream,
as I try and reconcile what has happened to be nothing more than a dream;
and when I try and wake myself again from this nightmare,
all I can do is look at the woman that I love and stare.
Our paths have deviated from one-another;
she has found someone else, while I still continue to love her.
How do I move on? How could she just leave me like this?
All I wanted to do the last time I saw her was to give her a kiss.
I still remember the moment that she told me we were over,
that we were no longer were going to spend the rest of our lives together.

My friends say that in time she will be nothing but a memory to me-
one held in high-regard, but that I can not see.
All I can think about now is what I must have done
to have pushed the woman that I loved away as if I had done so with a gun.
On the night of our parting I cried like I had never done so before,
such a flood of emotion was expelled out of fear of not knowing what the future had in store.

I know that I will never meet or love another like her again,
of that I am certain, but the reason why I can not explain;
perhaps it is because, to me, she will always be a queen-
the most beautiful person that I have ever seen.

finis amoris sed non vitae

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